I’ve not blogged in a year and a half….I haven’t had anything I wanted to say. I ran out of words. My desire to read went way up though, so maybe that’s my psyche’s way of storing up new words for when it’s time to talk again.
Like today.
Wish I knew where to start….with…I guess I’ll start with today. It was a shitty, empty day..full of angst at work, and I have nothing and nowhere to blow off steam. I don’t think it’s totally my jobs’ fault…though it definitely sucks. But the problem is within me..and I don’t know how to make it different.
I’ve been seeing a counselor for almost a year, and things felt lighter and more hopeful for about 6 months..then CRASH!!
And I don’t know what set me off.
My body aches like I’m holding myself rigid all the time and I don’t know how to make it stop.
I have nightmares about hiding and holding my breath to escape discovery..but from what, or whom?
I’ve been watching a TV series called “Life UneXpected”. I enjoy it…and hate it cause it pushes all my buttons. I relate to the orphan looking for acceptance, love…does everyone struggle with feelings like that?
I lack the courage to really move myself to go looking for it though…love.
Oh, so cliche….and that kinda pisses me off.
