Chronicles of Ché

I’ve been watching a TV series on DVD that I just acquired, called, “Supernatural”.

Now, I’ve been thinking about buying it for quite some time, but chose not to because of an observation from a close friend.

She said the show was quite dark.

She was right.

But what I find interesting, is that what used to bother me….ALOT….does not anymore.

My boys and I have been talking alot lately, about this particular change in me.  You see, I used to be strict about the movies and shows I watched, about the books I read. I used to  be the good christian girl, and I kept ‘my eyes from evil’.

Looking back…I think that was an excuse.

I think I was just afraid. Terribly, horribly afraid…that my nightmares were true. That evil would get me and there was no safe place.

And yet.

Here I sit after going through my life blowing up…..and I think fear has lost it’s edge.

If I had tried to watch a show like ‘Supernatural’ or Buffy, the Vampire Slayer’, etc. 8 years ago or more…I’d have freaked out.

And I would never have let my children see anything of the sort.

Now….well, my children aren’t children anymore, so that’s a bit different.

But it’s alot more than that.

I’m not afraid of the freaky crap anymore. Conversely, I also believe even more strongly in the supernatural and paranormal than ever before.

I enjoy watching it…even the freaky stuff. And I enjoy analysing it. I think there is some real stuff that they build on…but sorting out the real from the Hollywood is…interesting.

My boys and I talk about this stuff alot lately…they express typical unbelief I’d expect…and yet they’ve seen unusual stuff. They’ve lived with me, so weird stuff happens. They know that.

I just found out that one of the guys I work with is in the process of become a Practitioner. I find that interesting…yet I pray for him as well. You see, I explore alot of stuff like this, but I have an anchor that I count on. My friend does not.

So I think I’ll watch over him.

And I’ll read books, and watch movies and shows….and enjoy the fact that fear has lost it’s hold on much of my life.

I am dealing with the melancholy that comes with this season. No matter how hard I try to not have expectations…they are still in there waiting to be blown up.

Oh, Joy.

I’ve been living life quietly. The busyness and noise of my job and my role as mother pushes me into longing for quiet and solitude.

Taking walks by the ocean has helped..but I crave a deeper quiet.

I’ve been prodding that place inside of me where I can talk to Father…but I find it a empty place. Perhaps He calls me to go deeper….find Him where He is hiding today.

I feel heavy. Too many, too much, too little.

{sigh}

Hopefully, tomorrow I’ll find out where He is hiding.